Fun. Like a root canal.
I was talking recently with a friend about the “joys” of dating, which was never fun in the first place and is only less fun as you get older. Which led to …
The top ten phrases most capable of ending a first date:
10. I used to be a lawyer, but I quit to pursue my dream of making a living as a ukulele player.
9. The whole restraining order thing was really just a silly misunderstanding.
8. You’ll like my mom. That’s her over there.
7. I hope you like cats. The 17 I have are really adorable.
6. I really feel much better about myself since I got out of prison.
5. I can’t wait to show you my collection of bus timetables from around the world.
4. You’re not one of those people all hung up on monogamy, are you?
3. I don’t hear the voices telling me what to do nearly as often these days.
2. The doctor assured me it’s not contagious.
1. Excuse me, I need to take this call — It’s my spouse.