Even Paul the Octopus didn’t see this coming.
Sunday, July 11th, 2010The Top Ten things we learned from the World Cup:
10. Vuvuzelas are the perfect gift for the children of people you don’t really like.
9. “Jabulani” is a word in a Zulu dialect meaning “ball hated by everyone except athletes paid by the company that makes it.”
8. You absolutely cannot use your hands unless you’re a goalie — or you really, really need to prevent a goal that would eliminate your team from a tournament.
7. The growth of soccer can only be helped by the fact telecasts don’t involve Brent Musburger or Joe Buck.
6. If you really want to make sure your flight gets you to a semifinal match in time, you should be royalty, a head of state, a celebrity or arrange traveling with someone from those three groups.
5. Uruguay and Paraguay are not, in fact, the same country.
4. To reach its estimate that 96 percent of the officiating decisions at the World Cup were correct, FIFA must be giving credit for things like showing up at the proper stadium and remembering to wear pants.
3. Also, those four percent of incorrect decisions apparently included 97 percent of the scoring.
2. FIFA, incidentally, stands for Fools In Fear of Accuracy.
1. The sporting world is a better place when there are psychic octopi involved.