Blogatology

OK, so you’re not feeling well. But how can you really tell if it’s some run of the mill illness, or the panic-inducing pandemic for our times, swine flu? Here are the Top Ten indicators you might be feeling a bit piggish:

10. You wonder if rolling around in mud is an effective way to treat a fever.
9. Extreme anxiety when Vin Scully reads a spot for Farmer John sausage.
8. You can smell a truffle a mile away.
7. You wonder why more supermodels don’t wear their hair in pigtails.
6. You have a strong desire to rent the movie “Babe” (but still don’t want anything to do with the sequel).
5. You Google “Arnold Ziffel” and are outraged he didn’t win an Emmy for his work on “Green Acres.”
4. Suddenly, Miss Piggy looks kind of hot.
3. You look at that package of bacon in the refrigerator and feel guilty.
2. It seems worth it to drive 1,200 miles to shop at a Piggly Wiggly.
1. Have taken to ending all conversations by saying “T-t-t-hat’s all, folks!”